December 6, 2011

Typical

*sigh*


We finally get home this evening start the nightly homework shenanigans.  Tonight Pacey, my resident wise ass and mini me in training is cooperative and finishes his spelling perfectly while straight A Ashton stares at his book mindlessly as if the the only thing he required to complete this look would be a drool cup. I looked over his assignment and all he has to accomplish is reading ONE CHAPTER and answering five questions.


He continues to stare while Sophie and Pacey start a movie. He asks for help, I get up and sit next to him and discover that by "help" he really wanted me to read it for him and relay the answers to the questions. That kind of "help".


This eight year old kid, a third grader that is a year ahead in school and routinely reads entire Big Nate and Diary of a Wimpy Kid books in a single evening wants me to believe one chapter of a Beverly Clearey book is too intense and challenging for him thus evening. The same kid that is at a sixth grade reading level, yeah. Clearly, his lust of laziness has no bounds.


We break for dinner then reconvene the homework marathon while the pugs make cheetah like laps around the house and Sophie is using the living room sofa as a jungle gym and Pacey has begun his newest monologue on the newest,most amazing item that he needs desperately. Oy. There's Ashton,staring at the book, drool forming in the corner of his mouth. Eff. Feeling highly irritated,I hand over homework duties to the adult penis haver in the house hoping a change would jumpstart his productivity. Ha, jokes on me! Bullshiiiiiit buddy.


Now, the pugs have entered the orgy and asslicking part of their evening adventures, Sophie now has the intense urge to take the browns to the superbowl and the adult penis haver is over the Helen Keller act Ashton is putting on.


"Fine, put your homework away and go to bed. Tomorrow you can explain why your homework isn't finished and stay in for recess. I'm on Team Teacher dude!"


I leave the room to accompany Sophie in the dropping of the deuces because as much as I crave peeing alone,she requires an audience and the pugs are happy to oblige. I've got my caboose perched on the edge of the tub, Sophie is on  the throne and four flat faces have squished inside to lick themselves and each other as they watch. You know what made this moment perfect??? Ashton WAILING in the background that *I* am gonna get him in trouble at school. Oy!


Have you watched any of the Madea movies? My inner Madea about called Nancy Grace and turned on Skype for her to witness the straight ruckus that was about to take place in Mimi land.


Needless to say, two hours later,he JUST finished his one mother effin worksheets and Sophie and Pacey are asleep.


If you feel inclined to start a bail or xanax fund,feel free.


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