Yesterday was just awful. You know those days, as good as your intentions are or as productive as you plan to be, absolutely everything goes badly. Badly is an understatement. It began as a small ball of clusterfuckdom that rolled rapidly into a big ass ball of clusterfuckedness and eventually morphed into the queen mother of all clusterfuckedness into full fledged FLUCKED. Yes, that bad.
I typically pride myself in my ability to laugh at everything, let things roll off my back or at least find the humor in the bad and forge through with a smile on my face and another story to log away into Mimiland history. However, I could have absolutely done without yesterday as a whole.
I don't like to discuss politics with people, certain people especially. It is my personal belief that everyone is entitled to their beliefs in this arena and I respect them whether I agree with them or not. HOWEVER, I find that when people discuss these matters, you'll often find that some people cannot speak about these things without resorting to name calling, belittling and attacks on another person and I just have no room or desire to read it, hear it or take part in it whatsoever.
With the State of the Union Address still a hot topic, I posted on my Facebook wall asking my friends to please refrain from posting politically related things ON MY PERSONAL WALL or ON MY THREADS. I don't care what you do on your wall, or newsfeed, whatever. I can skim past that without an issue. I just requested that there not be an effort to take a post and place it on my wall/timeline or take my non-political post and add political nonsense to it. I didn't feel as if I was infringing upon anyone's rights to say whatever they wanted to say, I just requested that it not be in my personal area in MimiLand. I still don't feel that this is unreasonable.
Upon posting this request, my mother immediately responded that she would be unfriending me and did so immediately. I'll admit, I was stunned. MY MOTHER, the woman who gave birth to me, raised me and helped shape the woman I am today just rejected me over a request.
I know it seems trivial, because it is just Facebook but I can assure that I having your mother publicly announce she is unfriending you, doing so and then posting on her page that she deleted me because she will not be silenced by any one and she still loves me. Of course, in doing so, she had her facebook friends begin to rail on me and glorify her. After all, she's doing the right thing since I'm "censoring" her, right?
Honestly, I had hoped not to many people "saw" the trainwreck but my people are certainly observant. I had messages, texts, calls, emails. It was apparent my humiliating and mortifying nonsense had been seen. I'm not a private person by any means but I'm never one to freely discuss this nonsense out in the open. Gawd.
I'm a strong girl, I hide hurt feelings for as long as I can but I will admit that I was and am CRUSHED. I don't agree with the vast majority of what my mom thinks or believes. I've been embarrassed on more than one occasion by things she has posted on my page, on my posts and towards my friends but never ONCE did I ask her to change her beliefs or silence them. My MINOR request was dealt with in this manner. I was belittled, berated and talked about on my MOTHER'S post and not even once did she defend me. Blood is thicker than water, right?
I wasn't going to cry. I hate crying and I damn sure wasn't going to allow her the pleasure of knowing how upset I was. As the minutes passed, I got more upset until I was devastated. It isn't facebook, I can live forever without her being on my facebook. Let's face it, 98% of it is either inappropriate or something she considers stupid and the other 2% is vaguely about her. That is a nonissue. I was rejected by a person that I should have been able to count on never rejecting me or talking badly about me publicly, with strangers and family members. I wanted to keep it in, brush it off, but it hurts. Reading what was said only made it worse and it took everything I had not to cry at that moment. I did relent, I cried and then I cried some more and I learned an astounding lesson.
Blood doesn't necessarily dictate family. My family is made up of people who love me no matter what I believe, who accept me at my most assholish times and respect my rights and beliefs.
I don't want to change who I am for anyone, I like who I am. Yes, I screw up. I make mistakes but I strive everyday to be the kind of person that I would want my children to be. I'm gullible, I give the benefit of the doubt and I do get screwed over. I have a temper, especially when my feelings get hurt. I cried a little more, I was totally unaware of how much I could actually cry, pathetic really! I had the ugly Oprah cry happening, then I got the hiccups, oy!! Then I posted on Facebook. In my way, it made me feel better since so many of my favorite people actually "saw" what happened.
Wouldn't you know, at 32, I'm still learning. I pride myself in being a pretty strong girl, I can hold it together and keep my chin up and deal with the immediate issues at hand but there does come a point when the strongest girl has to admit defeat and let go.
I'm not perfect. I'm the antithesis of perfect. I'm vain, selfish,demanding,prissy, undomestic, irrational,impatient,delusional and my ...art of profanity has made the crudest foul mouths blush. I have a million flaws but for every single one, there are stellar things that go unnoticed.
I make misguided decisions, I laugh when I shouldn't, I joke when I should be serious but above all things, I accept YOU for who YOU and I wouldn't change YOU for the world. Uniqueness is the most magnificent gift, you are the only one there will ever be and people need to know you.
The things I believe in, the issues that I'm passionate about, mean so much to me that I'll fight endlessly for them. I will not allow another persons beliefs or judgements to diminish or dilute how I feel but I will *never* cut you out of my life for disagreeing with me. This is why we live amongst so much sadness and hate. I won't live like that.
The people in my world are my LIFE, there is nothing on earth I wouldn't do for them. Families are born in so many ways, none of them should be taken forgranted. Today, as much as it hurts, is an outstanding lesson. I'm loyal to the people that make my heart swell with happiness, that cry with me when I'm falling apart and don't judge me for caring about the things I do.
l like being a dreamer, an idealist and a girl that acts with her heart first. I live to teach my children to love fully, laugh constantly and accept everyone. I might cry today but sadness is temporary, my rainbow is coming ♥
I felt better just posting it, even if no one read it, just saying it helped. In return, I have never felt so loved. I was overwhelmed by the kind words, thoughts and sense of belonging. THESE people are family. My advice to you is, take every every heartbreak and feel every single ugly moment of it. Cry, cry some more and feel it, all of it and then share it because people really do care and they do want to make you feel loved and noticed.
If you've made it through this insane rambling, I THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU and you will ALWAYS be noticed in Mimiland! xoxo
