October 31, 2011
Or should I say, over drink like a football mommie. Oy! With Halloween just around the corner, it seemed not only appropriate but absolutely mandatory to attend a block party. The Parrow Trio were spending the weekend with their grandparents and this only added to the allure of a super adult drink fest. I brought my stolen recipe of bullfrog and one of my best friends to make our trek to the party perfect. Now listen, I fully recognize and accept my age in all ways but I also believe that I defy the odds. While I am technically a thirty two year old mother of three, I am really a twenty one year old spring chicken with an indestructable liver and an insanely high tolerance for alcoholic beverages. Hell, I was two large drinks in when we arrived. On drink three, we are mingling, drinking and taking in the festive atmosphere. That is where my counting of the drinks began to diminish. Since there was a designated driver in place, this wasn't a concern of mine. With each sip of this Mountain Dew / Kool Aid / Vodka concoction, I feel even better, giddier, riskier! Hell, there was a split second that I was convinced that I was in a disco and Dancing Queen was the soundtrack in my head. I met two awesome ladies that I am fairly sure I have known in a previous, younger, more bitchin life. One was wearing the outfit from the Sundrop commercial. You know which one. Head band, green sundrop shirt, cut off shorts with leggings underneath. OH MY GOD! I died and went to new BFF heaven. Seriously!!! It seemed only appropriate that we dance the Sun Drop dance as vigorously and accurately as possible! My muscles didn't hurt, my moves were smooth and MORE liquid inappropriateness was being consumed at an alarming rate!!
Ah, I knew this subject would arise again and finally, it has. I love autocorrect, I like everything to be spelled properly, even my profanity. So much so that when I got my new phone, I spent hours programming my favorite obscenities into the database. For example, before I programmed it properly, it would replace one of my favorite words with "ducking". Annoying. For the most part, everything goes smoothly, today...not so much. I intended on asking my friend Amber,"Are you GUYS going trick or treating?" I pushed send and reread it briefly and audibly gasped. It read,"Are you TITS going trick or treating tonight?" *embarrassed* I quickly explained the mishap and added that if she were going trick or treating then I'm sure her "girls" would be in attendance as well. It! Did I learn nothing from the CUTE/C*NT debacle??