March 19, 2012

Politics,Religion and My Mother

*sipping wine*

Think back a few months ago and you will remember when my mother "unfriended" me on Facebook. Oy vey. Yes fella's, THAT happened. In a nutshell, I requested that my posts not turn into a brutal political debate that will inevitability turn ugly, my mother said her voice won't be silenced, blah blah blah *snore*

My mom is a Catholic, right wing kinda lady. I'm the polar fucking opposite. Not religious at all and not republican AT ALL. AT EFFIN ALL.

I will admit that it hurt my feelings but it also amused me greatly that I'm being the more mature one in this matter. Me! Mature! Bwahaha!

Suffice it to say, I do try to avoid political and religious discussions with her but if I'm forced to respond to her shenanigans, I do keep booze on hand.

I realize that is the wrong way to handle these matters but dammit,I'm right and I'm going to say what I think. I never resort to name calling or insults,she eggs me on. I admit,not the right way to handle it.

Most recently, I posted this status on Facebook: "Whenever I find myself in the midst of a pickle,I ask myself,'What would Michele Bachmann do?'  Then I realize that even my worst decision couldn't be as ignorant and moronic as her very best idea on her very best day . It's a win/win. You could also replace Bachmann with Santorum, you are welcome.

Keep in mind, she is no longer my Facebook friend and has no access to my page. With me? We have a mutual friend that shall remain nameless, he knows who he is. He enjoys causing a ruckus amongst us because it is funny....even I admit that. This wise ass sends her a screen cap of my status and HOLY MUTHA OF GAWD, MOMZILLA ENACTS THE TEXT WAR OF 2012! And I saved that shit!!

Momzilla: "Are you a fucking retard or are you just looking like it for you pretend (Facebook) friends."

Word for word people, word for word.

Me: Nope, all true.

Momzilla: Oh pecangroup is your source? How fucking pathetic is RHAT!

(I'm not correcting spelling errors)

Me: Oy vey! You can't unfriend me again, I'm already unfriended!

Momzilla: For very good reason. People who don't know what the fuck they are taking about shouldn't fucking talk. You are a progressive socialist candy ass wanting everyone to conform to you and your barack Obama agenda and it is sickening.

Me: Just because someone disagrees with you, doesn't make them "fucking stupid". I would think that you would appreciate that you raised me to believe what I believe in and stand by it and I do.

Momzilla: No politics on your wall. Remember? Oh wait. Jus no CONSERVATIVE politics. Well fine. Kumbaya and let's all read Lenin and Marx and wait for our cattle car to arrive to take us to our new home.

Me: Okie dokie. You aren't supposed to be on my wall, remember? Besides, you can have views without personal attacks of your daughter.

Momzilla: No I can't. Personal views are only as valuable as their source and appears to me all your kumbaya 99-er friends are not worth a piss because they have no clue what they are talking about. So. Whatever.

Me: That's your choice. Anyone that doesn't agree with you is not worthy. Got it, logged it away.

Momzilla: Be careful whose side you choose. Real friends or pretend Internet friends. Real people or outlines of characters.

Me: I personally find it astounding you'd support anyone that you would choose a "leader" that refers to your son and son in law in such horrible ways but ya know, your choice.

I believe what I believe and I say how I feel.

(Yeah, my spellcheck failed me too.)

Momzilla: You are SO full of crap. No one said anyone is horrible. If you are talking about homosexual crap. All religions believe it is a sin. So is ANY sex outside marriage. Masterbation is also a sin. But master actors aren't seeking to change the constitution. What is wrong is wrong. You can twist it and tur n it anyway you like but it is what it is. Because it is a sin, it no worse a sun than any other and since we are all sinners no one is any worse off tha n anyone else. Just some ask forgiveness and others dont. Because you have activist crazy gays on you pretend friends list doesn't make it any more right or correct.

Me: If your intention force me to drink or make me analyze how I ended up so insanely awesome with such a crazy, right wing, close minded mother, than you have succeeded. Furthermore, your opinion is so insignificant due to its childish tone, asinine thoughts and lack of pictures. It is clear that I am right, you are wrong.

Mad Momzilla: You HAppy peeps keep your messiah Barack in office to keep all of us outdated people that finance everything in line and see how long they all survive when the people paying for everything are GONE. GOOD LUCK.

That was the end of the text battle. HOWEVER, shortly thereafter we shared margarita's and got into religion. Ah, Fuck me. Turns out, my mom thinks that you cannot be a moral person if you don't believe in God. I disagree. That led to an hour and a half of nonsense that I did capture on audio but cannot figure out how to post.

In any event, I said all of that to give you a little background of the true tomfoolery that takes place and to tell this story.

During the last presidential election, my mom put McCain signs in her front yard and bumper stickers on her car.

As you can imagine, her political chatter was at an all time high and my lack of jackassery was taking its toll. One night I thought it would be funny to remove the McCain signs and replace then with Obama signs. Then I put Obama stickers over her McCain stickers in her vehicle. Bwahaha. The signs were noticed the next morning HOWEVER, stickers were AT LEAST a week or more before being noticed. I consider that a win!

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