Facebook only allows me so much room to properly express my day to day traumas and by the time I condense it to Facebook length, it's hardly that traumatic so I said fuck that, here's the whole story! Ready!?
I have three human miniatures (kids) ages 10,8 and *almost* 5. Two boys and a girl, yeah. Now that we've established that, we can now establish that yesterday we celebrated super awesome Independence Day with the family at my brothers. It's my FAVORITE holiday! It typically entails drinking but the responsibility of driving home killed that dream. Oy vey.
Swimming,hottubbing,eating, fireworks, karaoke and insane amounts of shenanigans were had until about three in the morning when this SOBER Mommie loaded the children and all their accessories and belongings into Lucie Lancer and drove home and into the garage. At this point, I can HEAR the Untrustables (pugs) going HAM because they hear us and the boys are running around willy nilly tormenting one another while I carry a very limp diva to the door and unlock the sumbitch. Teeth are grudgingly brushed and within ten minutes, silence has commenced but I'm too tired to care and I go the hell to bed too. Damn.
I told you that, to tell you this. This group of party animals slept in until about noon, for real! It sounds great and really, it was except that I had to get up way earlier to take pugs potty and feed and water the insatiable freaks and I attempt to go right back to bed. Not easy, it's light outside and I have a monstrous headache so after some aleve and water, I'm snuggled in my bed exhausted but not able to sleep.
I get on the iPhone, get Netflix goin and plow through several episodes of Weeds season 6 until I doze off, which gained me about forty five minutes of mediocre sleep before the troops have woken with an intense sensation of hunger and irritation. Eh, I'll take it.
Still with me? Long and drawn out I know but you really need to realize the level of irritation I was in and take not that my nonsense intake was not in a charitable mood.
Things One,Two and Three are fed and watching a movie because apparently Indiana has reached it's peak in HELL setting. I'm just saying if I break a sweat yawning outside, we are staying inside or going to a water park and I didn't have the ability or motivation to tackle half dressed people that have no damn business being anything but mummified to protect my gag reflex. Inside it is.
After twenty minutes of arguing over which movie, who sits where and who is breathing too loudly or sitting too closely or whatfuckingever, there is a calm. This is my cue to go shower and listen to music that is not only inappropriate and filled with profanity but also makes me happy. I firmly believe anytime you can combine Manaj, Jay Z and Kanye with dirty words and the phrase,"I'm a MUTHA FUCKIN MONSTA!" it's a win.
Any parent that says they don't use the restroom as an escape at least once is a bold faced liar. I don't care if you're super nanny, Mary effin Poppins, we need to get away from these mouth breathers sometimes! I'm in a towel, brushing my teeth listening to a naughty song and acquiring mental "swag" and the damn door flies open and Pacey immediately starts in on some comic book coming out in two weeks. I'm looking at him just waiting for him to realize that he just busted in on his Mom in the bathroom wrapped in a towel and nothing else and be traumatized and get the hell out! Does he? Oh hellllll nah. He pauses for a nano second, just long enough to hear Jay Z drop the f bomb. Great.
He grins, totally my kid,"Mom, is that Jay Z?"
Now I'm just proud, the kid has taste!
"Because he just said the f word. We can't say that."
He has a point but so do I and dammit I'm kinda over it! Get out, fuck.
Me:"Yes, it's Jay Z and yes he said the f word and Mommie is REALLLLLLY close to saying it too if I can't get dressed alone!"
I'm still utterly dumbfounded that his sense of modesty hasn't kicked in yet. This is the same kid, along with his younger brothers assistance, lodged a complaint with me because their friends said I was cute. Apparently, they wanted me to ugly it up a bit. Gawd. Jerks. These SAME kids have no compunction about entering the bathroom with the force of a DEA raid!
Pacey:"Will you make me popcorn?"
What the hell! As if I could facilitate a massive popcorn popping festival from the bathroom, really!? And you're ten, walk into the kitchen, open the cabinet and get the popcorn and proceeded to the microwave and pop the hell out of it! Damn!
I'm sure you're asking why I didn't lock the door and I admit, you make a great point. I'll tell you why. In the tenish years I've had children, I've had each one lock themselves inside (more than once) and proceed into a full meltdown. When I say "meltdown", I do not mean a little crying and a slight panic. I want you to envision one of those homely, morally compromised women on Maury that are seeking DNA testing and upon learning the nineteenth guy tested ain't "da baby daddy" and loses her shit. Wailing, speaking in tongues, convulsions....that kind of shit. Not to mention the inevitable breaking into the bathroom to rescue them and the clean up afterwards. No thanks.
With Pacey gone and the door cracked, Ashton and Sophie make their move! Do I know how to spell Justin Bieber? Will Green Day tour here soon and if so, will I take him (Ashton) and only him?
It's at this time that Sophie has decided to give me a play by play of her favorite parts of The Avengers with a mini reenactment. She's totally The Hulk punching Thor, pretending to punch Ashton in the side of the noggin and he appropriately throws himself on the floor in defeat and then enlisting her lamby to show me how The Hulk made Loki his bitch and threw him around like a ragdoll. Pretty creative and whatnot but I'm in a dayum towel! Get OUT!
They retreat to create new nonsense and the Untrustables enter and sit to stare at me and occasionally lick my leg.
I realize peeing without assistance may be just a novelty but c'mon, let's not make a social gathering of it!
July 5, 2012
July 2, 2012
The Hardest Goodbye- Aunt Emma Bea
When I say I'm writing this through tears, please know that I'm under exaggerating the sheer disastrous sob that's really occurring. The "I can't breathe, there might be snot all over my face and f*ck, now I've got the hiccups" kind of cry.
Two months ago, my heart was changed in such a miraculous and incredible way. I walked into an animal shelter and left with an eight year old, partially blind pug named Aunt Bea.
Her skin was a disaster, she was covered in fleas and her eyes crusted with God knows what. Her stench was tolerable and the look of absolute gratitude as I scooped her into my arms was the most heartwarming thing.
Weary and confused, she trusted me to put her in the car and take her home. She trusted me to love get unconditionally and take her to the vet, cook for her and treat her wounds around the clock.
Weeks passed and with each day she grew more confident and trusted me more. At meal times, she'd linger so Sophie would inevitably hand feed her, which she adored.
I've said time and time again that pug people are truly the most amazing people in the world, my pug group really rallied around Aunt Emma Bea and sent her love from all around te country! Love that encouraged her and brought out her tenacious spirit!
Within the last two weeks, Bea's true personality emerged in such an astounding way! She began to walk with confidence and wiggle her entire body when she was happy and bark and "talk" when she wanted to express herself.
She MASTERED the art of begging. Winking, barking, talking and telepathically willing me to give up my people yummies to her, you've seen that face---who could resist!? Not I!
From day 1, I knew this day was coming and I had managed to push that out of my mind and heart until the very last second. Today, Aunt Emma Bea went to live with her forever family on her very own Happy Tail.
She has two brothers, Buster and Charlie and a sweet human kid name Daniel who is spoiling her beyond imagination as we speak.
I wish I could say that I handled her departure with grace, composure an maturity but I'll be honest, I'm devastated. I'm lost. I feel numb, empty and distraught. But overall, I feel rescued. Aunt Emma Bea gave me a gift that I could never repay her. She gave me her trust, her love and her complete willingness to give second chances. She rescued me.
I already miss you immensely Emma Bea, I miss your snuggles and your funny barks but I cannot wait to see you again lovey girl!
I want to thank Suzanne and her family for giving Bea the fairytale she deserves. I love you guys!
Two months ago, my heart was changed in such a miraculous and incredible way. I walked into an animal shelter and left with an eight year old, partially blind pug named Aunt Bea.
Her skin was a disaster, she was covered in fleas and her eyes crusted with God knows what. Her stench was tolerable and the look of absolute gratitude as I scooped her into my arms was the most heartwarming thing.
Weary and confused, she trusted me to put her in the car and take her home. She trusted me to love get unconditionally and take her to the vet, cook for her and treat her wounds around the clock.
Weeks passed and with each day she grew more confident and trusted me more. At meal times, she'd linger so Sophie would inevitably hand feed her, which she adored.
I've said time and time again that pug people are truly the most amazing people in the world, my pug group really rallied around Aunt Emma Bea and sent her love from all around te country! Love that encouraged her and brought out her tenacious spirit!
Within the last two weeks, Bea's true personality emerged in such an astounding way! She began to walk with confidence and wiggle her entire body when she was happy and bark and "talk" when she wanted to express herself.
She MASTERED the art of begging. Winking, barking, talking and telepathically willing me to give up my people yummies to her, you've seen that face---who could resist!? Not I!
From day 1, I knew this day was coming and I had managed to push that out of my mind and heart until the very last second. Today, Aunt Emma Bea went to live with her forever family on her very own Happy Tail.
She has two brothers, Buster and Charlie and a sweet human kid name Daniel who is spoiling her beyond imagination as we speak.
I wish I could say that I handled her departure with grace, composure an maturity but I'll be honest, I'm devastated. I'm lost. I feel numb, empty and distraught. But overall, I feel rescued. Aunt Emma Bea gave me a gift that I could never repay her. She gave me her trust, her love and her complete willingness to give second chances. She rescued me.
I already miss you immensely Emma Bea, I miss your snuggles and your funny barks but I cannot wait to see you again lovey girl!
I want to thank Suzanne and her family for giving Bea the fairytale she deserves. I love you guys!
June 8, 2012
A Distant Birthday Wish
Today is a very special and difficult day for my best friend and self appointed sister,Lori Hodgson. I've blogged about her before as Otto's Mommie and and again as a former Scientologist whose adult children have been forced to disconnect from her because she has a critical view of the Church of Scientology and have continuously and relentlessly harassed her in a failed attempt to keep her silent. If you're unfamiliar with her story, please look into my past posts, you'll be riveted and heartbroken.
Today is her son Jeremy's birthday, his 19th. This marks the second birthday that Lori has missed with her son, that she loves and adores more than life itself. It is for him that she continues to speak out, to share her guy wrenching story in an attempt to save others from this heartache and end the cruel and inhumane abuses that run rampant in Scientology.
On June 9, 1993, Jeremy James Leake was born at 6:30am weighing in at 9lbs and 6oz. As a mother myself, I know how life changing and absolutely overwhelmed with love you are the second you hold your child in your arms. After caring for and nourishing this little person inside of you for months, you finally lay eyes on the little soul you've dreamt of since the second you found out you were pregnant. It is a dream realized.
Lori and Jeremy shared a special,close bond, one that has been TEMPORARILY disconnected. I consider Lori family, my sister. Her mom is a second mother to me. From personal experience, I can tell you that Lori and Nonie are two of the best people in the world. Kind, generous, loving and filled with honesty and integrity. There's nothing they wouldn't do for anyone in need, nothing.
It's devastating to me to know that Lori and Nonie and their family must miss Jeremy on his special day, the second birthday that they've spent apart.
I can't fathom their anguish and heartbreak but in true Lori fashion, she's not giving up. Her tenacity and unbreakable spirit inspire me every single day. She has a message for her son, memories he has missed in their time apart.
••••••••••••
Dear Jeremy,
These are memories of your 18th birth year that I wish so very much we could have shared together.
Last September CR and I bought Jeans house across from Papas and a new Ski Nautique boat that you would just love. We can change the wake for wake boarders or skiers.
Last summer Auntie Jenn and Uncle Chris moved back home to Santa Cruz to be close to us and Lil' Brooks was born in October. Your little cousin. I saw a picture of you holding him when you said goodbye to Papa and Leanie and Jennifer and Brooks. You looked so sweet holding lil' Brooks. I know he loves you and would love to see his cousin Jeremy more.
In December Val and Nonie renewed their wedding vows and we had a big family celebration to celebrate their day. You would have enjoyed the yummy dinner and fun family reminiscing's.
Christmas was very sad with out having my boy and my Jessie there. We all missed you both so very much. I cried all Xmas eve and most of Xmas day.
In February for my Birthday and CR's birthday and Valentines day we went to Hawaii. Oh how you would have loved it there. We went to Kauai and CR and I went Zip Lining. I even went backwards on one of the Zip Lines. I thought about you a lot when I was in Hawaii because we were gonna do that together. We both love the beach and Ocean and just hanging out together there by the ocean.
Also in February Pappa had his big 75th Birthday and it wasn't the same not having you and sissy there to honor Papa's big day. We all went to that fancy restaurant in Almaden that had delicious desserts. It was a very special night and Jennifer, Justin and I bought him a special clock with our names engraved on it. I know Papa missed you not being able to be with him on his 75th.
In March I did an Enduro race at Hollister and it was 70 miles long...phew tough, but I finished. You would have been proud of your mom.
In April I did the Crosscut Enduro here at the lake and I finished that one too! i I trained for that race for a whole year and finally got strong enough and experienced enough to finish. I even had a bad crash at the mile 15 mark and got back on my bike and rode another 40 miles. I was in so much pain that it took my fear away and I rode like the wind. I was so determined to finish because I knew you would be proud of me. Remember 3 years ago that was your 1st Enduro and you took a bad fall and hurt your eye, but you got back on your bike and finished. Mommy was jumping for joy when I found out you finished that hard race.
In April Nonie and Val sold their San Jose house and bought a house on the same street as me and Papa...ain't that something were all here. Nonie and I live at the lake most of the time and only go down to San Jose a few days a month to work. I'm able to phone coach my clients up here at the lake. What an awesome job I have as I can motivate my clients and at the same time look out at our beautiful Clear Lake.
Now if only you and sissy were here to share with us in all these special memories it would have been perfect.
How about for your 19th birth year we can share some great memories together? I miss you Jeremy and love you very much.
HAPPY 19th Birthday Son.
Loving you forever and always,
Your mom
••••••••••••
It is my hope that somehow, some way Jeremy will see this, that he will see a crack in the belief system he is currently being restrained by and finds his way HOME! To a Mother and Grandmother that will never give up on him and will love him unconditionally until the end of time.
Please keep my Lori,Nonie and Jeremy in your thoughts and send them love and thoughts today. As an eternal optimist, I believe they'll spend his 20th birthday together, with your thoughts and prayers, maybe our wishes will come true!
Today is her son Jeremy's birthday, his 19th. This marks the second birthday that Lori has missed with her son, that she loves and adores more than life itself. It is for him that she continues to speak out, to share her guy wrenching story in an attempt to save others from this heartache and end the cruel and inhumane abuses that run rampant in Scientology.
On June 9, 1993, Jeremy James Leake was born at 6:30am weighing in at 9lbs and 6oz. As a mother myself, I know how life changing and absolutely overwhelmed with love you are the second you hold your child in your arms. After caring for and nourishing this little person inside of you for months, you finally lay eyes on the little soul you've dreamt of since the second you found out you were pregnant. It is a dream realized.
Lori and Jeremy shared a special,close bond, one that has been TEMPORARILY disconnected. I consider Lori family, my sister. Her mom is a second mother to me. From personal experience, I can tell you that Lori and Nonie are two of the best people in the world. Kind, generous, loving and filled with honesty and integrity. There's nothing they wouldn't do for anyone in need, nothing.
It's devastating to me to know that Lori and Nonie and their family must miss Jeremy on his special day, the second birthday that they've spent apart.
I can't fathom their anguish and heartbreak but in true Lori fashion, she's not giving up. Her tenacity and unbreakable spirit inspire me every single day. She has a message for her son, memories he has missed in their time apart.
••••••••••••
Dear Jeremy,
These are memories of your 18th birth year that I wish so very much we could have shared together.
Last September CR and I bought Jeans house across from Papas and a new Ski Nautique boat that you would just love. We can change the wake for wake boarders or skiers.
Last summer Auntie Jenn and Uncle Chris moved back home to Santa Cruz to be close to us and Lil' Brooks was born in October. Your little cousin. I saw a picture of you holding him when you said goodbye to Papa and Leanie and Jennifer and Brooks. You looked so sweet holding lil' Brooks. I know he loves you and would love to see his cousin Jeremy more.
In December Val and Nonie renewed their wedding vows and we had a big family celebration to celebrate their day. You would have enjoyed the yummy dinner and fun family reminiscing's.
Christmas was very sad with out having my boy and my Jessie there. We all missed you both so very much. I cried all Xmas eve and most of Xmas day.
In February for my Birthday and CR's birthday and Valentines day we went to Hawaii. Oh how you would have loved it there. We went to Kauai and CR and I went Zip Lining. I even went backwards on one of the Zip Lines. I thought about you a lot when I was in Hawaii because we were gonna do that together. We both love the beach and Ocean and just hanging out together there by the ocean.
Also in February Pappa had his big 75th Birthday and it wasn't the same not having you and sissy there to honor Papa's big day. We all went to that fancy restaurant in Almaden that had delicious desserts. It was a very special night and Jennifer, Justin and I bought him a special clock with our names engraved on it. I know Papa missed you not being able to be with him on his 75th.
In March I did an Enduro race at Hollister and it was 70 miles long...phew tough, but I finished. You would have been proud of your mom.
In April I did the Crosscut Enduro here at the lake and I finished that one too! i I trained for that race for a whole year and finally got strong enough and experienced enough to finish. I even had a bad crash at the mile 15 mark and got back on my bike and rode another 40 miles. I was in so much pain that it took my fear away and I rode like the wind. I was so determined to finish because I knew you would be proud of me. Remember 3 years ago that was your 1st Enduro and you took a bad fall and hurt your eye, but you got back on your bike and finished. Mommy was jumping for joy when I found out you finished that hard race.
In April Nonie and Val sold their San Jose house and bought a house on the same street as me and Papa...ain't that something were all here. Nonie and I live at the lake most of the time and only go down to San Jose a few days a month to work. I'm able to phone coach my clients up here at the lake. What an awesome job I have as I can motivate my clients and at the same time look out at our beautiful Clear Lake.
Now if only you and sissy were here to share with us in all these special memories it would have been perfect.
How about for your 19th birth year we can share some great memories together? I miss you Jeremy and love you very much.
HAPPY 19th Birthday Son.
Loving you forever and always,
Your mom
••••••••••••
It is my hope that somehow, some way Jeremy will see this, that he will see a crack in the belief system he is currently being restrained by and finds his way HOME! To a Mother and Grandmother that will never give up on him and will love him unconditionally until the end of time.
Please keep my Lori,Nonie and Jeremy in your thoughts and send them love and thoughts today. As an eternal optimist, I believe they'll spend his 20th birthday together, with your thoughts and prayers, maybe our wishes will come true!
May 30, 2012
Only *THIS GIRL*
Do you know what today is?!? The last day of school, the very last day my Ashton Michael will be a third grader and my Pacey Mekhi a fourth grader, this also means its TRACK AND FIELD DAY!!! Wahoo!!
With the xy chromosomes safely deposited in testosterone filled competition land, and my daughter gardening with her Grammie,I knew this was my golden opportunity to finish my hand crafted teacher gifts before pick up time.
I came home to a quiet house, made the pugs breakfast of scrambled eggs and kibble and went into full crafty, gift finishing mode. Despite my great intentions and hard work, I decided these gifts would be perfect ONLY with a few additions that I could easily acquire at Target. With my arms full of gifts and empty gift bags and tissue paper, I managed to lock the kitchen door and shut it behind me with my foot and I won't lie, I felt like a fucking rockstar.
I walked through the garage and it was at this point, I realized my keys weren't in my hand and they were probably in my black hole of a bag. Shit. Sigh.
I carefully place my unfinished gifts on top of my car and look through my bag. Nothing. I sit on the garage floor and dumb that bastard out, no keys. I did find starbursts though,WIN!!
It is at this point, the wheels in my head start turning. I know exactly what I did, I locked myself out of my house AND my car. F U C K.
Get the hide a key, you suggest and I admit, it's a fantastic suggestion EXCEPT that I used that sumbitch last week and in pure Mimi fashion, I didn't put it back outside. Sawheeeet! So now I'm going window to window, assessing whether or not I can squeeze my ass through the window if by some miracle one hasn't been locked....which by the way is highly unlikely since I'm OCD about locking things just in case a psychotic, midget clown decides to break in and slaughter me. In fucking with these windows, I have annoyed the pugs to the point of actually waking up and now Cullen is SCREAMING and his cohorts are barking and howling. Great!! By the way, there were no unlocked windows.
Refusing to admit defeat, I go back Ito the garage and drink my bottle of water and brainstorm. I ponder kicking in the back door but I'm in flip flops and I'm pretty sure I'd just destroy my pedicure and injure my pride and remain LOCKED THE FUCK OUT.
Thank GAWD my iPhone was charged because some semblance of common sense kicked in and I remembered I gave my mom an extra key for emergencies such as this. I call her while she and Sophie were gardening and she graciously agreed to save my absentminded ass. Booyah!
Now that I've got a glimmer of hope, I decide to try the car doors JUST IN CASE, I don't much enjoy sitting on the garage floor unless I'm so drunk that I don't give a shit....problem is, I was stone cold sober!
All four doors are locked BUT the trunk is open and you can lay down the back seats and get into the car that way, WIN!! Never deny my resourceful nature and prowess!
I've now got my ass firmly planted in my lovely car waiting for my Mother to arrive and save the day! While I waited ,I organized the gifts in the trunk, cleaned out my car, found gum,mints,Cheetos and a bra and two pairs of socks. As I finished, my mom pulled in and I could see Sophie's giddy and smiling face in the backseat! I open the door to greet her and my heart SINKS! She has cut her hair.....AGAIN....in the form of haphazard and bedraggled bangs. My mom didn't even notice, oy vey!!!
After all that ruckus, we did haul ass to Target, perfect our teacher gifts and wrap them just as I had envisioned and still made it for pick up on time. Now, what the fuck am I going to do with Princess Fashionista's "bangs"? Shit.
With the xy chromosomes safely deposited in testosterone filled competition land, and my daughter gardening with her Grammie,I knew this was my golden opportunity to finish my hand crafted teacher gifts before pick up time.
I came home to a quiet house, made the pugs breakfast of scrambled eggs and kibble and went into full crafty, gift finishing mode. Despite my great intentions and hard work, I decided these gifts would be perfect ONLY with a few additions that I could easily acquire at Target. With my arms full of gifts and empty gift bags and tissue paper, I managed to lock the kitchen door and shut it behind me with my foot and I won't lie, I felt like a fucking rockstar.
I walked through the garage and it was at this point, I realized my keys weren't in my hand and they were probably in my black hole of a bag. Shit. Sigh.
I carefully place my unfinished gifts on top of my car and look through my bag. Nothing. I sit on the garage floor and dumb that bastard out, no keys. I did find starbursts though,WIN!!
It is at this point, the wheels in my head start turning. I know exactly what I did, I locked myself out of my house AND my car. F U C K.
Get the hide a key, you suggest and I admit, it's a fantastic suggestion EXCEPT that I used that sumbitch last week and in pure Mimi fashion, I didn't put it back outside. Sawheeeet! So now I'm going window to window, assessing whether or not I can squeeze my ass through the window if by some miracle one hasn't been locked....which by the way is highly unlikely since I'm OCD about locking things just in case a psychotic, midget clown decides to break in and slaughter me. In fucking with these windows, I have annoyed the pugs to the point of actually waking up and now Cullen is SCREAMING and his cohorts are barking and howling. Great!! By the way, there were no unlocked windows.
Refusing to admit defeat, I go back Ito the garage and drink my bottle of water and brainstorm. I ponder kicking in the back door but I'm in flip flops and I'm pretty sure I'd just destroy my pedicure and injure my pride and remain LOCKED THE FUCK OUT.
Thank GAWD my iPhone was charged because some semblance of common sense kicked in and I remembered I gave my mom an extra key for emergencies such as this. I call her while she and Sophie were gardening and she graciously agreed to save my absentminded ass. Booyah!
Now that I've got a glimmer of hope, I decide to try the car doors JUST IN CASE, I don't much enjoy sitting on the garage floor unless I'm so drunk that I don't give a shit....problem is, I was stone cold sober!
All four doors are locked BUT the trunk is open and you can lay down the back seats and get into the car that way, WIN!! Never deny my resourceful nature and prowess!
I've now got my ass firmly planted in my lovely car waiting for my Mother to arrive and save the day! While I waited ,I organized the gifts in the trunk, cleaned out my car, found gum,mints,Cheetos and a bra and two pairs of socks. As I finished, my mom pulled in and I could see Sophie's giddy and smiling face in the backseat! I open the door to greet her and my heart SINKS! She has cut her hair.....AGAIN....in the form of haphazard and bedraggled bangs. My mom didn't even notice, oy vey!!!
After all that ruckus, we did haul ass to Target, perfect our teacher gifts and wrap them just as I had envisioned and still made it for pick up on time. Now, what the fuck am I going to do with Princess Fashionista's "bangs"? Shit.
May 10, 2012
About Last Night
I enjoy a good prank, any sort of shenanigans....I fully support. Typically, I'm the ring leader and mastermind of these endeavors and truly, that is the most hysterical position to be in. Last night,however, I was pranced and had NO IDEA.
As y'all are well aware, my mother is a very strict catholic, right wing conservative gal and I am....well, I'm the fallen catholic,Kumbaya kinda girl which continuously leads to many heated arguments. It's a lot of fun fellas, lemme tell ya.
In this clusterfuck, we share a mutual friend,Erick. Oh yeah asswipe, I'm calling you OUT!
Yesterday, Our President announced his support for gay marriage and equality. Love him or hate him, ALL PEOPLE should share equality. Period.
I posted his statement on Facebook and didn't think much about it. My mom isn't my Facebook friend but Erick is and I know that anytime Erick has a chance to stir up some shit, that's what he is going to do and it is almost ALWAYS hysterical.
Last night, I receive a barrage of texts from my mother about Obama. AN OVERHAUL, I didn't click in any of the links. I told my Mom she was cute and that I loved her and no argument ensued. I figured Erick told her I posted his statement and that riled her. Eh, normal Weds in Mimiland. It wasn't until this morning that he fessed up to her what he had done and I BOW DOWN, this shit was MASTERFUL!
Apparently, Erick photoshopped a statement from me on Facebook announcing my adoration to Our President which then caused her to have an aneurism and partial coronary and text me relentlessly.
Please take a look at this gem! Well done Erick,well done:) psssst PAYBACK IS COMING!!
As y'all are well aware, my mother is a very strict catholic, right wing conservative gal and I am....well, I'm the fallen catholic,Kumbaya kinda girl which continuously leads to many heated arguments. It's a lot of fun fellas, lemme tell ya.
In this clusterfuck, we share a mutual friend,Erick. Oh yeah asswipe, I'm calling you OUT!
Yesterday, Our President announced his support for gay marriage and equality. Love him or hate him, ALL PEOPLE should share equality. Period.
I posted his statement on Facebook and didn't think much about it. My mom isn't my Facebook friend but Erick is and I know that anytime Erick has a chance to stir up some shit, that's what he is going to do and it is almost ALWAYS hysterical.
Last night, I receive a barrage of texts from my mother about Obama. AN OVERHAUL, I didn't click in any of the links. I told my Mom she was cute and that I loved her and no argument ensued. I figured Erick told her I posted his statement and that riled her. Eh, normal Weds in Mimiland. It wasn't until this morning that he fessed up to her what he had done and I BOW DOWN, this shit was MASTERFUL!
Apparently, Erick photoshopped a statement from me on Facebook announcing my adoration to Our President which then caused her to have an aneurism and partial coronary and text me relentlessly.
Please take a look at this gem! Well done Erick,well done:) psssst PAYBACK IS COMING!!
May 3, 2012
Some people shop on Ambien
I'll admit it, I'm an Ambien shopper. Socks, pug accessories, DVDs ... You name it, I'll buy it. If its argyle, plaid or pink....i want that too. I may or may not have purchased an adult sized Justin Bieber shirt....don't judge.
In any event, I found myself scouring petfinder.com in search of flat faces that need a forever home. Now let me say, my home is at flat face capacity but I'm more than happy to enrich the lives of others by finding and rescuing a flat face that will forever change their lives. I maintain my douchebag status but I do have a small glimmer of decency hidden beneath my sarcastic and assholish attitude.
Two nights ago, fifteen minutes into my Ambien hysteria, I come across Aunt Bea, a stunning 8 year old, partially blind, black pug and my heart MELTED! Not only that, she was only fifteen minutes away, I immediately emailed the shelter and within a few hours, I had planned her unelaborate bust from shelter land!
With a harness,leash,treats and a tummy full of anxious butterflies I couldn't wait to meet this sweet face. By all staff accounts, she's a model citizen and the most lovable companion in the world.
It crushed my soul to see her all alone in a kennel but the second our eyes locked, her curly tail took over in complete wag mode and she almost leapt through the kennel and into Sophie's arms!
With about an hour to kill before I had to pick up my clueless xy chromosomes from school, we headed for a walk to allow Aunt Bea to roam and get an idea of her leash manners, which are phenomenal!
She's visually challenged but manages nicely! My crew of flat faced Untustables welcomed her and she immediately made herself at home.
I'm not trying to push Ambien on you BUT I am eternally grateful for my Ambien web surfing because sweet Aunt Bea is asleep in my lap and I will find her a forever home that consists of complete adoration and love!
In any event, I found myself scouring petfinder.com in search of flat faces that need a forever home. Now let me say, my home is at flat face capacity but I'm more than happy to enrich the lives of others by finding and rescuing a flat face that will forever change their lives. I maintain my douchebag status but I do have a small glimmer of decency hidden beneath my sarcastic and assholish attitude.
Two nights ago, fifteen minutes into my Ambien hysteria, I come across Aunt Bea, a stunning 8 year old, partially blind, black pug and my heart MELTED! Not only that, she was only fifteen minutes away, I immediately emailed the shelter and within a few hours, I had planned her unelaborate bust from shelter land!
With a harness,leash,treats and a tummy full of anxious butterflies I couldn't wait to meet this sweet face. By all staff accounts, she's a model citizen and the most lovable companion in the world.
It crushed my soul to see her all alone in a kennel but the second our eyes locked, her curly tail took over in complete wag mode and she almost leapt through the kennel and into Sophie's arms!
With about an hour to kill before I had to pick up my clueless xy chromosomes from school, we headed for a walk to allow Aunt Bea to roam and get an idea of her leash manners, which are phenomenal!
She's visually challenged but manages nicely! My crew of flat faced Untustables welcomed her and she immediately made herself at home.
I'm not trying to push Ambien on you BUT I am eternally grateful for my Ambien web surfing because sweet Aunt Bea is asleep in my lap and I will find her a forever home that consists of complete adoration and love!
April 29, 2012
Accomplishing A Dream In Mimiland
Turning 33 in Mimiland was a big deal. Well, not really. It wasn't a big deal but I wanted big things! I got a black pug puppy (that is coming home very very soon), the most magnificent sprinkle cake every baked and tickets to see my favorite comedian in Chicago. Now, if you haven't seen Bret Ernst, allow me to assure you, your life is fucking lacking major shit. He is HYSTERICAL, pee your pants hysterical, giving you abs of steel hysterical. Take my word for it, HYSTERICAL! Shoot, hold on, watch this:
Watch This RIGHT NOW
Still with me? Go pee? Ready to settle in and read about the most amazing night of my life? So, the four hour drive and ticket prices were totally cool with my dream going experience because, in my head, I had already determined that I would be in the front row, he would most definitely do the "Tony" bit and I would leave Chicago the most fulfilled a woman can be.
I purposely purchased tickets to the late show with the thought that he would surely be around afterwards for a possible meet and greet and *IF* I got my photo with him....this would be icing on my sprinkle covered cake. My boys love him too, I know, at 8 and 10, it may not be the most appropriate comic entertainment but dayum, they have me as a mother, humor is a gift that I must pass along. Both boys were quite envious that Mommie was seeing our dream comedian without them but I promised that *IF* given the opportunity, I would relay the messages of adoration to Bret personally.
Upon arriving in the FAH-REEZING and windy city, and killing a few hours, I arrived at Zanies to wait in line to see Bret Ernst *squeal*. Of course, my front row dreams were dashed because others were way earlier than I was. We quickly made friends with the couple behind us who had never heard of Bret, I gushed about his comedic genius and we youtubed videos until they were almost as excited as I was.
The doors opened at 10:15 and we were shown our seats, second row, still a little disappointed but ecstatic. That is when Andrea and her boyfriend (the couple behind us) turned and offered us their front row seats. Who died and went to heaven, THIS GIRL! I hugged them with all my might and thanked them at least a billion times!
He came out, and WOWED us all. FUCKING HYSTERICAL. We even got to hear a new joke that will HOPEFULLY make his new Comedy Central Special because it is beyond hilarious! I laughed so hard that I lost my voice and now have abs that would rival that of that sadastic wench, Jillian Michaels. Afterwards, I couldn't wait to buy a shirt that said, "F*CK TONY!"
And there he was, greeting every single person leaving the show and personally selling shirts and taking photos. I bought my shirt and he offered to take SEVERAL photos! *swoon*, I fulfilled my promise to my boys to pass along their messages and he gave me a shirt that says,"Bret Ernst" to give the boys. I tried to pay for it and he refused. This man adores his fans. If you have a chance to see him live, GO! I must say, I was just as impressed with his HUGS (plural bitches, plural) AND KISS ON THE CHEEK as I was with his comedy. He is humble and phenomenal.
Mimiland is a place of euphoria!!
Watch This RIGHT NOW
Still with me? Go pee? Ready to settle in and read about the most amazing night of my life? So, the four hour drive and ticket prices were totally cool with my dream going experience because, in my head, I had already determined that I would be in the front row, he would most definitely do the "Tony" bit and I would leave Chicago the most fulfilled a woman can be.
I purposely purchased tickets to the late show with the thought that he would surely be around afterwards for a possible meet and greet and *IF* I got my photo with him....this would be icing on my sprinkle covered cake. My boys love him too, I know, at 8 and 10, it may not be the most appropriate comic entertainment but dayum, they have me as a mother, humor is a gift that I must pass along. Both boys were quite envious that Mommie was seeing our dream comedian without them but I promised that *IF* given the opportunity, I would relay the messages of adoration to Bret personally.
Upon arriving in the FAH-REEZING and windy city, and killing a few hours, I arrived at Zanies to wait in line to see Bret Ernst *squeal*. Of course, my front row dreams were dashed because others were way earlier than I was. We quickly made friends with the couple behind us who had never heard of Bret, I gushed about his comedic genius and we youtubed videos until they were almost as excited as I was.
The doors opened at 10:15 and we were shown our seats, second row, still a little disappointed but ecstatic. That is when Andrea and her boyfriend (the couple behind us) turned and offered us their front row seats. Who died and went to heaven, THIS GIRL! I hugged them with all my might and thanked them at least a billion times!
He came out, and WOWED us all. FUCKING HYSTERICAL. We even got to hear a new joke that will HOPEFULLY make his new Comedy Central Special because it is beyond hilarious! I laughed so hard that I lost my voice and now have abs that would rival that of that sadastic wench, Jillian Michaels. Afterwards, I couldn't wait to buy a shirt that said, "F*CK TONY!"
And there he was, greeting every single person leaving the show and personally selling shirts and taking photos. I bought my shirt and he offered to take SEVERAL photos! *swoon*, I fulfilled my promise to my boys to pass along their messages and he gave me a shirt that says,"Bret Ernst" to give the boys. I tried to pay for it and he refused. This man adores his fans. If you have a chance to see him live, GO! I must say, I was just as impressed with his HUGS (plural bitches, plural) AND KISS ON THE CHEEK as I was with his comedy. He is humble and phenomenal.
Mimiland is a place of euphoria!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)